The Art of Distraction

I am back. It’s been a week or so but here I am again. Did you miss me? Didn’t think so. So here it is. I’m convicted about something. I need to get it off my chest before I go to sleep tonight. So if this sounds random and partly obscure it’s ok, I don’t know how to say this. What writer discredits his work before he even speaks? Hang it there. I actually do have a point. 

I have fallen prey to the easiest and yet most difficult things to avoid. What if you had something really big happening in your life. Almost one of those life changing revolutionary moments you are on the cusp of whole heartedly giving yourself to. Then time goes by and you realize that you are off course. You wonder how you got where you did. This is what’s happened to me. I can think of two specific ways. The first, is this revolutionary comprehension that God loves people and I am his plan to be his hands and feet to be love and grace to them. That sounds vague but I mean to say that I am a part of his church. And it’s that very reason that I am called to be a reflection of his image and the beauty He illuminates. I’m not talking about being a model for the way I look but rather a model of his practical and amazing love to others. However, in my first specific example I became distracted. I am preoccupied with myself and protecting myself and gaining respect. It’s about overcoming challenges in my life for the sake of survival. I’ve had a horrible time staying focused on others when I am bitter about the situations I find myself in. I got nothing to be bitter about really, but here I am and it’s too easy to be bitter about at least something. 

The second distraction is this, I have not pursued the things I should for far too long. For example, my education. I had no direction at all. I went because I knew I had to. But I had no idea why I went, if that makes sense, or for what reason I was pursuing further education. But here’s the deal, I understand in part this needed to happen, I’ve been out of college for 3 years and still no degree. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying everyone should finish college. I’m not saying this is the ultimate distraction. But in my life, I realize the importance of finishing my college education. It’s not to be a maker of lots of money even if it happens. The need I have to finish comes from the overwhelming desire I have to be an instrument, an equipped person, to help others in the dark places they find themselves in and to be an encouragement not in just word but also in action. It’s not necessary to finish college to do that, I’m not saying it is. I feel like I limit myself if I personally don’t finish college. I limit the ways in which I can help be that change and encouragement. 

This is the distraction. I’m three years removed and I can feel as though I’m being trapped. I feel like I’m working to no end. The means for which I work currently is to met the standards of my job and be responsible to the obligations I hold whether it’s bills or commitments I’ve made to others. I feel like I’m working harder not smarter. I don’t want to wake up 20 years from now and still be fighting the same feelings. 

There’s no guarantee I won’t still. But my outlook currently needs to change. I know I’ve got a story and things unfold as the pages of each day get written, but I also know if I have no direction then I have one stalled and boring story. 

So all this to say I feel distracted when I feel the conviction of just sitting still and yet not actually being involved. I feel distracted when I talk with conviction about the needs in my own backyard and stay inside and avoid getting my hands dirty. I feel distracted when I wake up bitter at my job and the people I feel like  put on a face around. I feel like I have little to give when emotionally I have been running on empty for quite sometime. I feel distracted when I’d rather sit in front of a computer than actually grab some friends and hand out meals to hungry people. I’d rather pray about peoples needs being met than actually meet their needs. What the hell is wrong with me? 

And that’s when it hits. This is the realest way I know how to say it. It’s because I have learned to believe the lies I’m being told about myself. I spend more time watching tv about sex and about self fulfillment whether it’s a better job or a bigger house, than I do in the Word or challenging myself with the harsh realities and the difference the church can make if it truly believes it’s God’s plan to redeem this broken world. 

Romans 7-8 talks about doing that which we despise and yet our heart groans for the love of our Father. It’s been years and God’s got a lot of work to do in me still but now more than ever I’m able to humble myself and actually am willing to get a little dirty and actually love my neighbor. Educated or not, I need to be hands and feet and maybe an ear to listen to someone. 

Sorry this blog has gone on a long time but I needed to vent about how much I hate being distracted. I hate this numb feeling I have right now. I deeply care about people and I deeply care for the afflicted, but I’ve got a thick shell that takes a long time to shed. I’m tired and I am upset. I so badly want to shed this and fly free with expectant hope and actively be involved in this beautiful story of redemption. What would it be like for someone to know that someone else truly knows them and cares for them? What if you knew you were loved unconditionally. If that person didn’t judge you but chose to be with you faults and all. Why? Because they are loved by the very person who is love, that is Jesus. And they see that it’s not a happy little world but rather a sick world desperate for hope. What would it be like if someone specifically picked you to spend their time and affection on? Not that you deserve it but they love you anyways. 

I’d love to see that…why? Because I’d love for someone to be that for me.

 

Sorry for the rawness of this blog. It’s late at night and I’m seeing double right now.

What if?

I’m struggling right now. I know there are major decision needing to be made everyday of our lives. In the world we live in though, we are led to weigh certain decisions heavier than others. For instance cereal choices for breakfast drastically pail in comparison to who is going to lead our next generation of Americans into a successful and once again respected nation. Now I made my decision and I stand by it. Am I convinced though of my own reasoning? That’s the question at hand. How can I feel so conflicted? I don’t need to come across as blindly making a big choice by the flip of a coin or bad logic. I weighed out my choice carefully. I put a lot of time into this election.

I put so much effort in it’s got me wondering if I might even pursue something political or government related in the future. Why? Because this year more than any other year have I felt the impact change can have on a hurting nation. I see that there can be hope again. How we get there is the biggest question I have. I feel strongly that each person running for each position cares about the people they are trying to represent and act on their behalf for. Does power hunger get in the way? Sure. Do I feel like we have a presidential race where that’s the case? I’m going to go ahead and say no. I think all candidates feel strongly about wanting to be a change agent for a better America. So what’s the struggle? I don’t know. I’ll be honest. I can describe the feeling of hope and change on one side but question and doubt on the other. At the same time you turn around and it’s true for each side.

If I were running for President I would value people and stewardship of our land as top priorities. Not to sound New Age or Hippy-like, I wonder what a nation based on justice and love would look like. I wonder what it would look like if there was hope for the abused and I wonder what it would be like if we took care of the earth we reside on. I wonder what hope looks like for a family that just lost their house because of bad practices.

I wonder what it would look like if the church got off it’s ass and actually cared about the hurting and unjustly wronged. I wonder what the role of government has if the needs of it’s people were met outside of regulation and “programs”. What if we had the church provide for those needs of the hungry and sick? Can that ever exist? I don’t know. Does it matter? Well we’ll see by how proactive people are in reaching out and standing up for justice and love. Can you picture a country where our natural resources are beautifully kept and we can breathe fresh air even in the city? Can you picture every neighborhood characterized for it’s respect for each other and support for each member of that community. Can you imagine a bigger picture where we live in a society that reaches out to everyone when they are in need? Or imagine a culture where it’s safe to express those needs? Or where it’s safe to be real with each other without implication of abuse or judgement? I have no idea if this is possible in the world we live in today. How can a world like that be in touch with the reality that faces the actual world we live in today? The church. The lazy beast we call a church that God has given up so much for. I heard it said yesterday that God’s only plan for redemption rests on the shoulder of the church. He has no other plan. Imagine meeting someone in the their darkest nightmare and rescuing them out of it. Why? Because there’s beauty in the restoration of God’s creation…restoration back to it’s Creator and loving Father.

It is what it is! Deal with it!